Listen up you lying liars

In the media elite

While we’re heating up the pliers

Take some time to read this tweet.

 

Reporters need to know their places

Shut up, sit down and wipe your shoes.

Try to stay in my good graces

By writing how much I love Jews.

 

We’re coming for you lying liars

In my hand I have a list

When it’s time to light the fires

Joe and Mika won’t be missed.

 

The country doesn’t want or need you

They trust me, not their ears or eyes.

I don’t listen, watch or read you:

But I know you’re full of lies.

 

All you networks full of fake news

What goes around will come:

Any time I want to make news

I do it with my thumb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who made these paintings on the walls

Of the Deaf Man’s House? From what dark halls

Of Spanish history come these figments?

How hold the brush? How mix the pigments?

 

Take silver tarnish from the mines of Peru

Mix well with tears for a dismal hue.

A widow’s mantilla, soaked in lye

Dissolves, and giving up its dye,

Creates the color of a midnight sky.

 

From the cellar of the Citadel

Grab a heretic or infidel.

A Muslim is okay to choose

If that day they’re out of Jews.

Burn him slowly, so you don’t waste fuel

Sift the ashes. When completely cool,

Stir with a wooden spoon or twig

Into the blood of a fresh-killed pig

This part is crucial: If it fails to congeal,

You made a mistake, but it’s no big deal:

You can always requisition

Another one from the Inquisition.

 

 

Do not go gentle…

https://www.yahoo.com/news/do-not-go-gentle-100049756.html

Well, my daddy left home when I had my bris,

And he didn’t leave much to me and Sis

Just this old copy of  Partisan Review.

And I never blamed him ‘cause he went to shul

But the thing he did that was so uncool

Was before he left he went and named me (((Jew)))

 

Well he must’ve thought that it was quite a joke

And it pissed off all the herrenvolk

Made me wish that I could be Hindu.

Some gal would troll me with a nasty tweet

Some guy would show up in a big white sheet

I tell you, life ain’t easy for a boy named (((Jew))).

 

Well I pretty much stayed out of jail

Which didn’t hurt me getting into Yale

And I spent my junior year in Istanbul.

And I got me a job as a global banker

Corporate lawyer and a network anchor

And sent my kids to a fancy private school.

 

But I made me a vow to my mom and aunts

That I’d search the Chinese restaurants

From end to end on Flatbush Avenue

And I’d check the letters to the New York Times

And the Fairway Market checkout lines

Until I found the man who named me (((Jew))).

 

At a cocktail party for the DNC

–Or maybe a brunch for Hillary—

And I had a glass of some good microbrew

In a cashmere jacket of a subdued plaid

With a plate of hors d’oeuvres was my own sweet dad

And I said, My name is (((Jew)))! Now I’m gonna sue!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Win a date with Donald Trump!

You can join him on the stump

If you’re not ugly, old or fat.

Wear high heels, a trucker hat

Come on down, email or phone us.

A sexy accent is a bonus.

 

If you are the lucky winner

Don’t expect to go to dinner,

Or a concert, or a walk.

Instead, you’ll listen to him talk.

 

You’ll get tickets for a rally

Right up front! For the finale

You and every runner-up

Can lead the chant of “lock her up!”

 

He’ll hit you up for a donation

To the Donald Trump foundation

And tell Fox News he never knew you

And then he’ll turn around and sue you.

 

 

 

 

Since declaring his candidacy for president last June, Donald Trump has used Twitter to lob insults at presidential candidates, journalists, news organizations, nations, a Neil Young song and even a lectern in the Oval Office. We know this because we’ve read, tagged and quoted them all.–New York Times

Nasty and dopey and failing and failed

Phony, dishonest and ought to be jailed

Disgusting, a liar, a dummy, a hater

Boring, disgraceful, a total third-rater

A zero, incompetent, biased and lazy

All talk and no action, low energy, crazy

Wacky, pathetic, a clown and a choker

Disastrous judgment, a nutjob, a joker.

Irrelevant, stupid, and drowning in debt

Lacking in stamina, covered with sweat

Racist, neurotic and sloppy and bad

Desperate, grubby and crooked. So sad!

 

 

“The rules govern the soil farmers use, farm and food production hygiene, food packaging, food temperatures and even what animals may roam which fields and when.”—A press release from the Trump campaign about repealing the “inspection overkill” by the FDA “Food Police”.

Leave the milk out in the sun

Don’t worry if the chicken’s done

We’ll feed the crowds on red raw meat

Cut the rules down to a tweet.

Stop excessive regulations

On gastropods and on crustaceans.

 

Don’t look at how your laws are made

Or sausages, or lemonade.

Or tacos, tuna salad, franks

(Or pipelines, power plants and banks)

 

We will build a giant wall

Six feet thick and ten feet tall

Negotiate the toughest terms

Keeping out those foreign germs.

Just like we’ll beat Iran and Syria

We’ll win the war against bacteria.

 

Hygiene’s where I take my stand

It’s why I never shake your hand.

And I won’t ever die, because

I get advice from Dr. Oz.

Elect me, people, and I vow:

Your goose is cooked. Just don’t ask how.