For every disease there are miracle cures

Just ask Dr. Oz

Don’t bother with empirical cures

Believe in Santa Claus!

Bring back ivermectin

It never ever fails you:

For treating your erection

Or anything that ails you. 

A griping in your gizzard

Shouldn’t give you pause

Consult your friendly wizard

The one named Dr. Oz.

Another epidemic

Really would be tragic

The problem is systemic.

The treatment should be magic!

And you could lose a hundred pounds—

Overnight! Get out your jeans!

Dr. Oz is making rounds

With green coffee beans.

Grind them up and chew them

Or squirt them up your schnozz

Scientists pooh-pooh them

But trust in Dr. Oz.