Therefore, everybody is in the market; therefore you can make people buy broccoli?–Justice Antonin Scalia, during arguments over the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act.

Attention shoppers! In aisle 3,

Adjacent to the halal meat,

Ten pound bags of broccoli!

Make sure you get a tax receipt.


Your kids will shower you with plaudits.

They love broccoli, and each

Stalk protects you from tax audits

When you serve that giant quiche.


Trained forensic dieticians

Are on hand to help you fill

Your quota of approved nutritions

As set forth in the health-care bill.


As you exit, on your way out

Have your ID handy, or

Please display your brussels sprout

To the agent at the door.


Facing down that awful fate

One man is bold enough to state

“You shall not cruciferate

Mankind on a golden plate.

Or on his fevered brow impale

This crown of broccoli and kale.”