A winning team is like a cake

To make one, eggs get broken.

And if you hear or see one break,

It’s better left unspoken.


The screaming in the locker room

Stays there. And the showers.

Don’t ask, don’t tell and don’t assume

You’ve got some special powers


To intervene to change a life

You’ll only cause a scandal.

Curse the darkness to your wife.

But never light a candle.


Our world revolves around our Sun–

Glorious, eternal–

The One who made us number one.

All-Knowing and Paternal.


He wears a whistle on his neck

And only he can blow it.

Call the cops and sure as heck

He’ll be the first to know it.


The DA will throw out a hook

And hope to haul a fish up

So turn away and never look.

Just ask your local bishop.