“The rules govern the soil farmers use, farm and food production hygiene, food packaging, food temperatures and even what animals may roam which fields and when.”—A press release from the Trump campaign about repealing the “inspection overkill” by the FDA “Food Police”.

Leave the milk out in the sun

Don’t worry if the chicken’s done

We’ll feed the crowds on red raw meat

Cut the rules down to a tweet.

Stop excessive regulations

On gastropods and on crustaceans.

 

Don’t look at how your laws are made

Or sausages, or lemonade.

Or tacos, tuna salad, franks

(Or pipelines, power plants and banks)

 

We will build a giant wall

Six feet thick and ten feet tall

Negotiate the toughest terms

Keeping out those foreign germs.

Just like we’ll beat Iran and Syria

We’ll win the war against bacteria.

 

Hygiene’s where I take my stand

It’s why I never shake your hand.

And I won’t ever die, because

I get advice from Dr. Oz.

Elect me, people, and I vow:

Your goose is cooked. Just don’t ask how.

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