So you always wanted a Purple Heart

And now you have one: it’s a start

Is there a particular body part

You’d like to do without?


And it must have caused you lifelong scars

When some other kid won more Gold Stars

So you pushed him off the monkey bars

And punched him in the snout.


And facing now this new accuser

You have no choice but to abuse her

She lost her kid, so she’s a loser.

That’s what life is all about.

The voters of Britain said phooey.

They’ve had it with being E-U-ey.

Proving that even today

The you-know-who start at Calais.


Globalization is hooey.

It’s curries, kabobs and chop suey.

They’d much rather pick at the bones

Of whatever is left of Dow-Jones.


Trafalgar-ish or Waterloo-ey

They cling to the past, like a buoy,

Or wrap themselves in it, like flannel,

Safe on their side of the Channel.


As Truman was beaten by Dewey

The polls were all mixed up and screwy.

And Europe can just disunite

There’ll always be more wars to fight.



If you’re a Democratic politician and you really want to stand for LGBT, show real courage and stand up against the vicious ideology that has targeted our fellow Americans for murder.–Sen. Ted Cruz 

We’re putting the G back in GOP

Along with the L and the B and the T

No matter how sinful, how vile and perverted

Your practices are, you won’t be deserted.

Go use the girls’ room, we won’t look askance.

When it comes to bathrooms, we take a wide stance.

And should a terrorist mount an attack

Reach in your tutu for a gun and  shoot back.


Congressional Democrats walk out on Paul Ryan’s “moment of silence” for the Orlando terror attack to protest inaction on gun control.

We pause to reflect in a moment of silence

To send you our thoughts and our heartfeltest prayers

To honor the innocent victims of violence

Conveying the message that, yes, Congress cares!

And deeply abhors these deplorable slaughters

Of any constituents’ gay sons and daughters.

With solemn expressions and a catch in our throat

–Which please bear in mind when you go out to vote–

When it comes to compassion, we won’t be outdone.

We’ll all take our stand with the Rainbow Alliance.

And if anyone mentions the guy used a gun

The sound that you’ll hear is a moment of silence.

Will Bernie Sanders be the spoiler

Of Hillary’s campaign?

Will he drag things out to foil her?

Does he want to rain

On what she thought was her parade?

And will he stand athwart–

Throw a bomb or hand grenade–

At her juggernaut?

If Hillary is Princess Leia

Will he be Darth Vader?

Or is he planning to replay a

Scene from Gore Meets Nader?

Will Bernie Sanders be a mensch

Or just a bitter grump?

Throw into the works a wrench

And out comes Donald Trump?







Donald Trump said on Fox News Sunday that he did plan to start acting more presidential 

‘You’re going to be so bored, you’re going to say this is the most boring human being I’ve ever interviewed,’ Trump continued. 

‘I think if I act very presidential I’ll be dull, but that will be fine,’ he added.



Donald Trump is going presidential

Sober, measured, utterly discreet

He will be judicious and prudential

Even when he’s sending off a tweet.


Donald Trump will showcase his potential

To turn the other cheek and bow his head.

He’ll be humble, meek and deferential,

Quoting from the Bible by his bed.


His speeches will be grave and consequential

And every thought he utters will connect

Nothing hyperbolic or tangential

And every fact will be quadruple checked.


Yes, Donald Trump is going presidential

We’ll see a side of Trump we’ve never known.

The one thing to remember that’s essential:

The president he means is Juan Peron.






On December 19, 1998, the House of Representatives impeached Bill Clinton on two charges related to his extramarital affair with Monica Lewinsky. (The charges were for perjury and obstruction of justice.) The historic vote, and subsequent trial in the Senate, involved the work of three men who were elected Speaker of the House Of Representatives by the Republican majority, Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston and Dennis Hastert.

Almost 17 years later, with the federal indictment of Hastert for illegally concealing up to $3.5 million in hush-money, we finally have a more complete understanding of the men who led this effort.


Newty, Bobby and the Coach

Held the country’s sacred trust.

Kept themselves above reproach

As any public servant must.

Untouched by any hint of lust.


Denny Hastert, Newt and Bobby

Shared, let’s say, a common thrust.

When the president’s blow-jobby

Predilections were discussed

They were shocked! Appalled! Nonplussed!


Bobby, Coachy and the Newt

Now they’ve gone to wrack and rust.

They tasted of forbidden fruit

Their careers have all gone bust.

Sometimes the Universe is just.

Quite a sight, the little Marco

Unleashing mighty zingers

Full of macho, full of snarko

On the length of Donald’s fingers


Was this another dirty trick?

Unparalleled in meanness?

Beating with a little stick

Where it hurts? Between us–


–Do you think the voters care?

That Marco was a troll?

That Donald likes to overshare

And brag about his… poll.


Is this what they’re looking for

In Kansas or Wisconsin?

The Democrats, in ‘64

Had the biggest Johnson


Will it play in Peoria?

The party of the Lincoln Log

Seems gripped by some dysphoria

Or lost in moral fog.




New Yorkers pushed back at Cruz on “New York values” 

Start spreading the news:

This Senator Cruz

Is one who eschews

Those liberal views

Those girls with tattoos

In old New York!


They don’t play horseshoes,

Don’t have barbecues,

Drink imported booze

In old New York!


He’s putting the screws

To guys who say “youse”

Who hondle and schmooze

And never eat pork!


Those New York values

He considers suspect:

Does he mean Hindus?

Or some other sect?

Inspired by seeing The Big Short, here is a repost of a Newsverse from 2009:


It is an ancient stockbroker

He’s drinking Coke and Jacks.

“Hey, I know you,” the banker said.

“You worked at Goldman Sachs.


“You swung a big one, so I heard

Way back in the day.

But here I came to watch the game

And now you’re in my way.”


The stockbroker held up a hand

And ordered J&B

He fixed the banker with a stare

“There was a bond,” quoth he.


“Something called a CDO

A total sack of doody

But anyway, a Triple-A

From S&P and Moody.”


“I fear you, ancient stockbroker!

I fear you’ll get me fired!

You’re in the tank with Barney Frank.

I think you might be wired.”


“We flogged it up and down the Street

And lots of other places

And no one thought that what they’d bought

Might blow up in their faces.”


“Chill out, ancient stockbroker!

Get up off the floor!

Why look’st thou so?” “That CDO—

I sold to my brother-in-law!


“And when the housing boom went bust

I had nowhere to hide.

Instead of a bow, the CDO

Around my neck was tied.


“Houses, houses everywhere

And the market sure did stink

Houses, houses everywhere

I had to see a shrink.


“And now I go from bar to bar

From Greenwich to Penn Station

And I try to steer, for the price of a beer

Young bankers from temptation.”


The banker stared into his glass

“I hope you get some takers,”

He slowly said, then shook his head.

“Now, let me watch the Lakers.”