He strides through each debate and forum
Beating on his culture-war drum
Pledged to shield each human spore from
It’s your moment, Rick Santorum!
Every fetus must adore him.
Why did we so long ignore him?
Give him props, not shrugs!
If you don’t want some slutty bimbo
Adding to the souls in limbo
Then it’s time to turn to him, Bo-
dacious womb defender!
As decreed from Up Above
He’ll assure each act of love
Is a sacred moment of
And when black helicopters fly
Darkening the midwest sky
And those UN soldiers try
To force us on the pill.
Who’ll wield the flag of Fetus Nation?
Fight the war for implantation?
Carry it to full gestation?
Rick Santorum will.