It is well known that in recent times that through the Internet many serious family-related problems have been created, and it all happens because of it, and something must be done so they won’t be hurt.–Ultra-Orthodox rabbis promoting a rally against the Internet at New York’s Citi Field on May 20. According to news reports, only men will be allowed to attend.
Oh I don’t look at women when they walk by on the street,
My overcoat stays buttoned in the height of summer’s heat.
I don’t watch any videos that show Mariah Carey,
I wear a furry hat and grow my beard out full and hairy.
I live a life of rectitude and ultra-orthodoxy
And never go to nightclubs like the Tunnel or the Roxy
Or Tweet or Skype or Yahoo with a woman named “@Foxy.”
I follow the commandments, like the one forbidding email
With dirty jokes or pictures to an unrelated female
Below the age of 60, except by dispensation
From a rabbi who is learned in the laws on masturbation.
The sages have forearmed us, we can now download a psalm
That blocks us from accessing BabesofBensonhurst.com
No telling what could happen if you let your women Google
When they should be in the kitchen with a tzimmes or a kugel
Around here desperate housewives keep their desperation hidden
And freedom’s just another word for everything forbidden
jerryadlersnewsverse 
Jerry, you go from strength to strength! Keep ’em coming, please – i love your newsverse.
Alison (of Cage)
A shanda to be riffing on religious peccadilloes
(it’s something better done by shuskling from behind the pillows).
Jews shouldn’t wash their dirty laundry in the goyim’s sight
Or they’ll unleash a Newsverse that will their tushes bite.
Forty thousand hassidim will fill the seats at Shea
Swaying and a’praying that the world will go away.
You think their women give a hoot? they’ve bought it line and sinker–
worth more than rubies, dontcha know, you freedom-loving thinker.
Their bodies busy gestating the future of the tribe,
Whose souls they will go on to mold, their lives to circumscribe.
The lesson learned is very clear: don’t ever buy computers
And you’ll ensure your daughter won’t wait tables at a Hooters.
I know, I’m a self-loathing Jew, but I’d feel that way even if I were a Mormon. Love the last couplet, wish I’d thought of it myself.
Great reply Ani – love the last couplet. What’s shuskling? Is it a real Yiddish word- or just sounds like one?