J.P. Morgan Trader ‘London Whale’ Blows $13 billion Hole in Bank’s Value.”–Headline in The Guardian

Deeper and deeper with a flick of his tail

Into the risk pool plunges the Whale

They call him a killer, and he’s gonna kill

He’s got a position in Antarctic krill

He weighs forty tons and he’s too big to fail.

You’ll see him again when he’s eaten his fill.


With options and futures he’s minimized risk

He’s got a masters from Stanford in Pisc-

Atorial Finance. So what could go wrong?

He’s short August herring while everyone’s long.

Whales, unlike shrimp, never land in the bisque.

He’s piling up blubber, his balance sheet’s strong.


He lives and he dies by the law of the tank:

The big fish eat small ones. A lot like a bank.

And thus evolution has favored the whale

And the vampire squid, growing too big to fail.

Nature is stronger than even Dodd-Frank.

And as for Paul Volcker, just call him Ishmael.