J.P. Morgan Trader ‘London Whale’ Blows $13 billion Hole in Bank’s Value.”–Headline in The Guardian
Deeper and deeper with a flick of his tail
Into the risk pool plunges the Whale
They call him a killer, and he’s gonna kill
He’s got a position in Antarctic krill
He weighs forty tons and he’s too big to fail.
You’ll see him again when he’s eaten his fill.
With options and futures he’s minimized risk
He’s got a masters from Stanford in Pisc-
Atorial Finance. So what could go wrong?
He’s short August herring while everyone’s long.
Whales, unlike shrimp, never land in the bisque.
He’s piling up blubber, his balance sheet’s strong.
He lives and he dies by the law of the tank:
The big fish eat small ones. A lot like a bank.
And thus evolution has favored the whale
And the vampire squid, growing too big to fail.
Nature is stronger than even Dodd-Frank.
And as for Paul Volcker, just call him Ishmael.