“I applaud the Senate for preserving our sovereignty.” — Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), after the Senate voted down a United Nations treaty on disability rights


The glockenspiels and tubas of the UN marching band

Whose members all are wearing hearing aids

Descending in their wheelchairs on our freedom-loving land:

The Army of the Handicapped invades.


It occupies the Capitol, and bureaucrats proclaim

Their vision of a new reality:

Henceforth the very nation will have another name:

The U.S. of Accessibility.


The judges from the World Court come, and throw us all in jail

For climbing stairs instead of wheelchair ramps

Rewrite the Constitution in large type and in Braille

And send our kids to special-needs day camps


And commandeer the networks in a move so brash and ballsy

Ban football games for being much too rough.

“Dancing With Disabled Stars Who Have Cerebral Palsy,”

Alternates with games of Blind Man’s Bluff.


And every path or trail where you go walking

Will have a non-slip pad and a grab bar.

The dollar bill will portray Steven Hawking

And all the rest will feature FDR.