Ohio Walmart holds food drive for own employees–News item  

(Apologies to Tennessee Ernie Ford and Johnny Cash)

Some people say a man’s made to hold up a mop

A poor man’s made to sell fish sticks and pop

Fish sticks and pop and lightbulbs and rugs

Aluminum foil and generic drugs.


I was born one morning between Pet Toys and Food

Put on my apron and a bad attitude

I sold sixteen cans of French-cut green beans

A bottle of Windex and a pair of blue jeans.


You sell sixteen cans, and what do you know?

You gotta put out shovels ‘cause it’s starting to snow.

St. Peter if you call me, you’d better be quick

If I’m gonna die I can’t afford to be sick.


I was born one morning on the loading dock

Crawled to the toy aisle and I started to stock

I sold sixteen sets of bobblehead elves

And the manager told me, better straighten those shelves


You sell sixteen cans, and who woulda thunk

The world could find a place for any more of this junk.

St. Peter don’t you call me ‘cause I can’t come

I’ve got to shave a nickel off a package of gum.