You’d better watch out

You’d better not cry

You’d better not pout

I’m telling you why–

Santa Claus is coming to town!


Try to smile, you little creep,

Santa turns you into sheep,

Even if your life is crappy

Best to look like you are happy

In his unforgiving eye.


Santa never asks you why

You might feel the urge to cry

No lollipop or candy cane

Can ease your existential pain.

Is it because you’ll die?


Born beneath an ozone hole

The world is one big lump of coal

All its promises are phoney

You dig and dig, but there’s no pony.

Or reindeer in the sky.


Life is nasty, short and hard

But don’t go quoting Kierkegaard

On the sadness of it all

To the fellow at the mall

He’ll swat you like a fly.