Hi there, folks, I’m Donald, but call me Mr. Trump

I’m sorry but I have to say your living room’s a dump.

I’ve never seen a place so filled with sad pathetic losers

I’m sure you’d rather move away, but beggars can’t be choosers.

So I come in all humility, to ask you for your vote

And show you these nice pictures of my airplane and my boat.

And thank you all for coming here to listen to my pitch:

I’m really, really, really, really, really, really rich.

I say this not to boast or brag, but I’m a trillionaire.

I am the biggest TV star that ever went on air.

More popular than Churchill, and smarter than Voltaire.

And just in case you’re wondering, this really is my hair.

In government, like real estate, and jewelry, shirts and ties

The Trump brand stands for quality, a name that signifies

You’re going with a winner and you’d like a better life

A Rolex and a limo and a sexy young third wife.

And as for the Islamic State, I have a secret plan

To put them out of business, because I’m a businessman.

And I’ll stand up to China, North Korea and Iran

Italy and Canada, Australia and Japan!

I promise that as president, I’d keep out all Latinos

Except the ones who change the sheets and vacuum my casinos.

And so I’d like to thank you all, and trust you’ll understand

You’re not the kind of people I’d allow to shake my hand.