Hark, the music of the spheres,

To which we dance, to mark the years–

As this year’s song begins its coda,

Let’s all boogie down with Yoda.

And celebrate (within sane limits)

2015’s fifteen minutes.


At midnight let each aging Boomer

Get a kiss from Amy Schumer,

Pass a shrimp or canape

To Taylor Swift or Tina Fey,

Or share a glass of something bubbly

With someone rugged, manly, stubbly–

David Beckham, Bradley Cooper–

Not to be a party pooper

A certain Vermont socialist

Whose name I see here on the list,

Will speak from twelve to half-past one,

–Adding to the frantic fun

The general frivolity–

On income inequality.


So pour a punch and fill the urn.

It’s thirsty when you Feel the Bern.

And tip your homburg or sombrero

To Caitlyn Jenner, American Pharoah,

Jeff Bezos and Serena Williams,

Mark Zuckerberg and all his billions.

On the rocks pour out four fingers

Of vodka for Kristaps Porzingis

He is very nearly tall

Enough to dunk the Times Square ball.

Mix Manhattans by the gallon

For Adele and Jimmy Fallon,

And toss the maraschino cherry

At former Texas gov, Rick Perry.


With a quote from Janet Yellen

Toast your favorite Wall Street felon.

We’re proposing Martin Shkreli,


Sorry, fella, it’s your karma:

If you wake up with a belly-

Ache, tomorrow, feeling dismal,

We’ll pour you out a Pepto-Bismol.

Drink it down, and then refill!

We’re sending you a giant bill.


And for 2015’s sequel

Let us hope that we are equal

To that which history will task us:

Saving those who flee Damascus,

Making sure that black lives matter,

Helping others up the ladder

That leads them out of deprivation.

And live in peace with all creation