Well, my daddy left home when I had my bris,

And he didn’t leave much to me and Sis

Just this old copy of  Partisan Review.

And I never blamed him ‘cause he went to shul

But the thing he did that was so uncool

Was before he left he went and named me (((Jew)))

 

Well he must’ve thought that it was quite a joke

And it pissed off all the herrenvolk

Made me wish that I could be Hindu.

Some gal would troll me with a nasty tweet

Some guy would show up in a big white sheet

I tell you, life ain’t easy for a boy named (((Jew))).

 

Well I pretty much stayed out of jail

Which didn’t hurt me getting into Yale

And I spent my junior year in Istanbul.

And I got me a job as a global banker

Corporate lawyer and a network anchor

And sent my kids to a fancy private school.

 

But I made me a vow to my mom and aunts

That I’d search the Chinese restaurants

From end to end on Flatbush Avenue

And I’d check the letters to the New York Times

And the Fairway Market checkout lines

Until I found the man who named me (((Jew))).

 

At a cocktail party for the DNC

–Or maybe a brunch for Hillary—

And I had a glass of some good microbrew

In a cashmere jacket of a subdued plaid

With a plate of hors d’oeuvres was my own sweet dad

And I said, My name is (((Jew)))! Now I’m gonna sue!

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements