“I am learning to say y’all and I like grits and things. Strange things are happening to me.”–Mitt Romney in Pascagoula, Mississippi

*(The Newsverse Pledge: All couplets guaranteed to rhyme.)

I always love the corned beef that you get here in New York

I like it even better since I gave up eating pork

And I love Nova Scotia, it reminds me, as a kid,

I learned to sail there with my friends, Murray, Hy and Sid.

It makes a lovely canape, with capers and a shmear

Of cottage cheese on crackers with a cold glass of root beer.

I still remember back in school I’d come here and get juiced on

Lemonade and egg creams from a store right here on Houston*

Street, and Anne bought shmattas here, from Bergdorf-Goodman’s racks.

She’d have them shipped to Boston so we didn’t pay the tax.

And F.A.O. Schwarz! Oh, my word! We bought the boys stuffed Babars!

And stopped off for chopped liver and knishes up at Zabars!*

So hello all my landsmen, my favorite New York folk!

My buddy Woody Allen and my good friend Mayor Koch!*

Next year in Jerusalem! Shalom to Midge and Norman!

I love you guys, and when you’re dead, we’ll make you both a Mormon!

Yes New York has a very special place here in my heart

And I could live forever on those hot dogs from a cart.

And if I had my way someday I’d go and screw the poochy

To the station wagon roof, and drive to Saks or Gucci

Where real New Yorkers congregate, they tummel and they shmooze.

Yes, you’re my kind of people here, the one percent of Jews.

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