At Newsverse we treat every creed

With utter sensitivity

We don’t make fun of Jews for greed

Or Quakers for passivity.

.

Newsverse wouldn’t mock or jeer

A Satanist or Druid

We hold all religions dear

Even if they’re stupid.

.

Faith gives the weary soul relief:

The explanation for men’s

Suspension of their disbelief.

We’re looking at you, Mormons.

.

Go ahead and teach your kid

That God is in the bread.

Just be careful, God forbid,

That you might bite His head.

.

Dance a sacred harvest dance

To your totem or kachina.

You can pray to elephants

Or some deus ex machina

.

Or go and worship, if you wish

The trees, the Moon, the Sun

The monkey god, the sacred fish,

Thor or Zeus or Kim Jong-un.

.

Newsverse honors all those gods

Along with all the others

And never wants to be at odds

With our Islamic brothers.

.

So join hands for this Newsverse hymn:

God keep us from impurity!

The Prophet, peace be unto him!

We’re beefing up security.

Advertisements