Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC) argued this week that restaurants should be able to “opt out” of health department regulations that require employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom.–Raw Story 

The Founding Fathers never washed their hands before they ate

‘Cause they believed in liberty, and not a nanny state

Protecting us from every little virus on our plate.

Big Brother at the urinal! A second Watergate!

Ronald Reagan knew that nothing in the Constitution

Gives Washington the power to compel us to ablution.

I’m proud that I’m American, and not from North Korea,

‘Cause here we’re free to choose the risk of getting diarrhea,

Dysentery, cholera, E. coli, salmonella

Chicken pox and polio, and did I say, rubella?

So let’s impeach Obama for the way he lies and weasels

To try and keep our kids from getting whooping cough and measles

We need a special prosecutor! Let’s seize the opportunity

To get the sordid facts out through a grant of herd immunity.

Yes I’m a vaccine truther and a bathroom-washing skeptic

And I deserve respect and just a squirt of antiseptic.

And if I see Chris Christie or Senator Rand Paul

Coming up to greet me as they leave a men’s room stall

I’d pat them on the back and trust that they will understand

If I run the other way if they try to shake my hand.