A parent in Utah is asking to include the Bible on its list of books to be banned from school libraries, calling it “one of the most sex-ridden books around.”


Just when I thought I was born again

Trying real hard to believe

Here comes the Bible with porn again:

Making me lust after Eve.


The Bible has parts that are dirty

And others that just make you squirm

Just check out Genesis 30,*

Or Onan, who spilled out his sperm.


Sodom was the scene of a slaughter,

But God singled Lot out to save

For offering strangers his daughter

And fucking her then in a cave.


The Good Book is just a big snow job

The stories are crude and salacious:

King Solomon’s Song to a blow job,**

A psalm that is clearly fellatious.


Isaiah cried loud in the wasteland

A prophecy wrenched from the heart

He loosened his cloak and his waistband

So he could let loose with a fart.***

.*And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

 And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.

 And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.

.**Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

.***Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh.(16:11)