So Ted Cruz pokes us in the eye and dares us not to blink
And Sarah Palin resurrects her dimples and her wink
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed and turns the bathtub water pink.
We’re circling round the drain and disappearing down the sink.
Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, they shrivel up and shrink.
Tea Partiers with talking points need never stop to think.
Forgetting all our history, we hurtle toward the brink.
The best lack all conviction, and I really need a drink.
…[S]oon after voting to authorize the use of force against the Assad regime, Republicans might consider moving an authorization for the use of force against the Iranian nuclear weapons program—William Kristol, The Weekly Standard
If we’re getting Syrious
Then on to Teheran!
The man may be delirious
But at least he has a plan.
It isn’t that mysterious
Just like we did Saddam
America, imperious,
Chooses whom to bomb
Damascus-bound, as Saul was struck
By a sudden vision
So every Neo-Connish schmuck
Can go on television
Unleash his inner John McCain
Spout military argot.
Every since we got Hussein
There’s always one more target.
A 67-year-old great-grandmother who worked in the city’s Senior Citizens Service Desk accused San Diego Mayor Bob Filner of sexual harassment.–News reports
It really is a pleasure and a privilege to present you
The key to our city, signifying the extent you
Are loved in San Diego because all of us adore you
And by the way it also will unlock my office door. You
Know I’m a big sucker for a woman in a wimple
And when you smile you really have this sexy little dimple.
I think I speak for all of us who live in the Free World, do
You want to go to dinner, maybe spend a day at Sea World? Oooh,
Tijuana’s pretty hot these days, I think you’ll find it’s very
Lovely for a visit, oh, and can I call you Terry?
When the storm is surging and it gives you mal de mer
That’s a signal you should raise your cottage in the air
For when the waves are rising and an east wind is ablow
Is not the time to find out that your bunga is too low
A tide in the affairs of men, if taken at its flood
Can float your cabin out to sea and fill your hut with mud
As icecaps shrink, the ocean grows, before it gets too big you
Maybe ought to build a mound to elevate your igloo.
There’s not an awful lot of time for people to prepare
And you are just plain out of luck if you’re a polar bear.
As evening shadows loom and near
Ticking, tocking, hours pass.
They slip away like silent deer
Ticking Lyme bombs in the grass.
Mosquitoes whine and babies squall
Worse than Miley Cyrus
Bloody splotches on the wall
Smeared with West Nile virus.
Breakers curl and crash and roll
With solemn cadence speak
Of the ocean’s awful toll:
Four thousand bucks a week.
Listen up, you teenaged nudniks
Here’s advice worth knowin’
Don’t go out looking like a hoodnik.
Dress like Richard Cohen.
Buy a suit and walk around with
Briefcases and books.
The Brother that you should be down with
Is the Brother known as Brooks
All you dumb misunderstoodniks
Who never wear a tie
Looking like some no-damn-goodniks:
It’s your fault if you die.
His finger’s on the button and the missiles all are armed
His steely gaze is leveled at the foe
He’s counting down to zero now and someone will be harmed
Harry Reid is getting set to blow!
His temper is igniting and his patience at an end
And Harry Reid is itching for the fray
He’s never been the kind of guy to give in or to bend
Or compromise or meet someone halfway.
Fool him once, and shame on you
Fool him two or three times, maybe four.
He may be slow to anger but the time is almost due
For Harry Reid to take the Senate floor.
The Rubicon is forded and he’s on his chosen path.
And he’s unsheathed his mighty sword of steel
The time for talk is over now, prepare to face his wrath–
Unless, of course, you want to make a deal.
Obama Declares War on Coal–Forbes magazine, Fox News, John Boehner, etc.
Four hundred million years ago
In the late Devonian
Sunlight’s energetic glow
Made the trees and forests grow
Rank and Amazonian.
Uprooted in some primal flood
Twig and branch and bole
Got buried in the murky mud
And turned into the blackened crud
That we now know as coal.
You can’t make carbon disappear.
What alchemical Magus
Unleashes on the atmosphere
Six billion tons, each blessed year
To air-condition Vegas?
What goes around will come around
As a cyclone or tornado.
Just ask someone who almost drowned
Whose house was leveled to the ground
Like it was made of Play-doh.
And so the battle lines are drawn
Around each frozen Pole
All I can say is bring it on
Before the icecaps all are gone
I’m happy to enroll.
If you’re tired of the same old recipe of overtaxation, overregulation and frivolous litigation, get out before you go broke. Texas is calling. Your opportunity awaits.–Texas Governor Rick Perry, attempting to lure businesses out of New York City.
Welcome, Governor Perry, to the Zero-Trans-Fat City
You can check your handgun with the Welcoming Committee
We’re honored to present to you, with our congratulations,
This bound and gold-leafed copy of our civic regulations,
Ensuring that your visit here will run without a hiccup.
Just follow all the parking signs, or else we’ll tow your pickup.
And you can have a Slurpee in a 16-ounce-size cup
Which we ask that you recycle when your visit here is up.
The local cops are friendly so there’s hardly any risk you
Might be shoved against a wall to pat you down and frisk you.
So please feel free to wander up and down our bustling streets
And if you ride the subway, keep your boots off of the seats.
Infidels, die! Allah is great!
Do you think that might be tempting fate
To tweet or text or say out loud
Here beneath the Google Cloud,
The big computer in the sky
In which all subversive thought
By an algorithm caught,
Is nullified and comes to naught.
And at the center of the web
Of data’s crisscross flow and ebb
Stands the FBI.
In six degrees of separation
You can sweep up a whole nation
It only takes a single bit
Of connection. Tag, you’re it!
Sorry, buddy, now you’re toast
You never should have read this post.
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