One sun rose on us today thanks to the efforts of

the job creators among us who didn’t wait

around for the government to raise the sun,

not like some who just want things

from the solar system. Who think the sun

rises by itself. Who don’t care

if it’s there for future generations of Americans.

From Mount Desert Island to La Jolla

and all the places in between where the

light glistens on the dew on the greens

of a million golf courses, where

the first foursomes are teeing up

and someone—I don’t recall his name at the moment—

is polishing Anne’s Cadillacs in the porte-cochere.

The sun rose and is making the trees grow to the right height

to shade the deck without dropping crap into the pool.

And if not, we’ll get the boy in to prune them. 

The sun is rising and Americans are

waking up to responsibilities.

Checking their portfolios.

Consulting with clients.

Incorporating themselves.

Engaging in sport, if you will.

Greeting each other, saying,

Good morning, sir.

I always wanted to do one of these.  With apologies to Roger Angell and Ian Frazier.  

Our weary planet’s never-ending

Trip around the Sun, now trending

Toward its yearly consummation

Beckons us to contemplation.

And ere we start another journey,

Roll 2012 out on a gurney,

Pause a moment to recall–

The year that brought the world Ron Paul

The guy who does the gangnam dance

Jong-un, Kim and Armstrong, Lance.

All who won’t be over-sore-missed–

A list that starts with Grover Norquist

Including every billionaire

Who claims he’s paying his fair share:

He’s just another ordinary

Working stiff, Tom, Dick or Harry.

Like Warren Buffet’s secretary.

Before we all get good and plastered

Toast every poor misguided bastard,

Civic nuisance, blowhard, clown

From Lindsay Lohan down, and down.

Pour Karl Rove some warm Champagne!

Cold pizza pie for Herman Cain–

With anchovies and pepperoni–

For Papa John and Berlusconi.

Raise a glass of flat Prosecco

To Aflac’s duck and Geico’s gecko.

We will offer up no thanks

For shockjocks with their stupid pranks

Or generals, who on their swords fell

Into bed with Paula Broadwell.

Sing “Call Me Maybe” acapella

Serve eggnog spiked with salmonella

To Bashar Hafez al-Assad.

Hoist him by his own petard

And let’s hope he comes down hard

In Ahmedinejad’s  backyard.

Build a roaring, crackling fire

To warm a climate-change denier

Some guy, maybe, like George Will

Raise a glass to him! Refill

With water from a melting glacier

Garnished with a dead acacia

One part gin to two parts bile

A lump of anthracite. The style

Is drink it with a splash of doubt

Holding your left pinkie out

One’s enough to get Charles Kraut-

Hammered. Then refill the glasses

To the brim with greenhouse gases.

Standing near an Unskewed Pollster

Grab a cap-gun from your holster

Point it at that fellow there–

The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre!

Fire off a nice loud round

Watch the guests all hit the ground

Oh, and that guy with the hair

Reminds me of a billionaire.

Wait, it must be Donald Trump!

Boy that really made him jump

He spilled his drink on David Koch

(Insert here Tea-Party joke.)

Hurricanes and fiscal cliffs

Portending  the apocalypse

Predicted in the Mayan glyphs

Or the one in Revelation–

If you’re not among those tapped for

Heaven, at least you might capture

A picture of the coming Rapture

And tweet it to the nation.

Zombies who arise to stalk us,

Drug-resistant streptococcus,

The whole goddam Tea Party Caucus,

Cardiac fibrillation.

Salmonella in our lettuce.

The Universe is out to get us.

Maybe God can just forget us

And stage a new Creation.

And it won’t take an asteroid

To blow us all into the void

Just some guy who’s unemployed

And filled with indignation.

Or some soldier deep in shock,

A kid who lives around the block

With a Ruger or a Glock

Bent on annihilation.

“I applaud the Senate for preserving our sovereignty.” — Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), after the Senate voted down a United Nations treaty on disability rights

The glockenspiels and tubas of the UN marching band

Whose members all are wearing hearing aids

Descending in their wheelchairs on our freedom-loving land:

The Army of the Handicapped invades.

It occupies the Capitol, and bureaucrats proclaim

Their vision of a new reality:

Henceforth the very nation will have another name:

The U.S. of Accessibility.

The judges from the World Court come, and throw us all in jail

For climbing stairs instead of wheelchair ramps

Rewrite the Constitution in large type and in Braille

And send our kids to special-needs day camps

And commandeer the networks in a move so brash and ballsy

Ban football games for being much too rough.

“Dancing With Disabled Stars Who Have Cerebral Palsy,”

Alternates with games of Blind Man’s Bluff.

And every path or trail where you go walking

Will have a non-slip pad and a grab bar.

The dollar bill will portray Steven Hawking

And all the rest will feature FDR.

As I walked the streets of old Frito-Laredo,

I saw an old cowboy slumped in a chair

Facedown in a plate of spaghetti alfredo

He asked me for five thousand dollars to spare

Since WellsFargoTexas cut out Medicare.

“The cattle were downsized, they outsourced the cowboys

I lost my 401-K and my pension

We can’t compete with Chinese or Macao boys

I’ve got no insurance and oh, did I mention

I’ve got a slipped disk and mild hypertension

“And SprintNextel County just passed a law

That everyone now has to carry a gun

Unfortunately I’m getting slow on the draw

And in these boots it’s not easy to run.

“I parked in a space that belonged to some stranger,”

The cowboy said, pausing to take a deep breath

“I need a cop or a Texaco Ranger.

I’ve just been shot and I’m bleeding to death.”

“Sorry old pardner, but here in the Lone Star

Here by the Rio Home Depot/Dell Grande

The rule is that each of us follows his own star

Go back to America if you want a hand.”

…

We gather together, to ask the Lord’s blessing

He chastens and hastens His will to make known.

But sometimes when He screws up it calls for reassessing:

Put Karl Rove on hold and get God on the phone.

Inspire us with courage and wisdom and grace

From this moment forth ‘till the day that we die. Oh,

By the way, there’s a letter someplace

Where I asked You to please keep an eye on Ohio.

We reap what we sow and the Lord does the scything.

Explain to me please how we lost one whole sex.

I hope you’ve kept track of the size of my tithing.

If not I can show you all my cancelled checks.

Through troubles and turmoil our faith yet is strong

Thy great love abiding is always enough.

So tell me how could all the polls be so wrong?

Who made all those people who just want free stuff?

The polls are closed, the votes are cast, the people had their say

And now it’s time to look ahead, put differences away

Extend a hand in friendship as we turn to a new day.

But OMG we really cleaned those greedy bastards’ clocks

We have all been wrong at times, so better not to judge

It’s highly un-American to carry on a grudge

Even with Bill Kristol, Bill O’Reilly or Matt Drudge.

But wouldn’t it be great to shut Karl Rove up in a box?

What goes around will come around so better to avoid

Negative emotions such as glee or schadenfreude

You shouldn’t hurt the feelings even of a humanoid.

But OMG I just can’t stop myself from watching Fox.

Starting today, Newsverse will appear on the Huffington Post.  This site will remain active for now but you are encouraged to read and comment on the HuffPo site.

This week’s post, “Underwater,” can be found at:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jerry-adler/underwater_b_2066064.html

See you there!

When the wind is howling and the tunnels start to fill

And the Hudson River rises with the tide

When the streets are deep in sewage like a giant toxic spill

The moment is upon you to decide

When the climate sends a signal that the tipping point is reached

And the oceans start to overrun the land

When the piers are disappearing and the final seawall’s breached

Maybe then it’s time to take a stand

A hurricane works wonders when it concentrates the mind

The world is going quite insane and many still are blind.

But when the waters drain away look closely and you’ll find

The hundred million people who are always left behind.

A rising tide will lift the boat

Of those who can afford one

Money keeps their ships afloat–

And only they can board one

The rest of us can wait and hope

While time keeps growing shorter

Till someone throws us out a rope

We’ll keep on treading water

Life is that gift from God. I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something God intended to happen.”–Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, (R-Indiana). 

The Lord works in mysterious ways

Like flowers in the night that bloom

He scans, with his all-seeing gaze,

Like ultrasound inside your womb.

And for you, as it was for Eve

Here’s what he wants to see there:

If he decides you should conceive

A baby better be there.

No greater gift is there than life

A baby to remind you

Of when some stranger pulled a knife

As he came up behind you.

And maybe you had other plans.

Well, listen to the burning bush.

God’s purposes align with man’s.

So woman, just shut up and push.